mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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