i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
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