If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
