My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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