Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
