I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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