we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
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He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
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I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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