Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
