Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
