drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
