There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
