they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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