I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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