He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
