I got chris browned last night
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
