hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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