I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
