Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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