I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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