That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Randomize
