Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
