time to smoke my breakfast
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
