Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
