cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
