did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
just come out here and I will go home with you...
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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