just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
