well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
