I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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