I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
