Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
