I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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