Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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