DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
