Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
then he tried to convert me to islam
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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