Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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