You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
