My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
