Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
