I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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