it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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