Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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