Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Someone came in the potted fern
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
