i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
