so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
