Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
