I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize