You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
