so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
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