and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
