I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Randomize
