you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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