i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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