Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
