I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
