cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
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Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
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Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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