i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
you traded sex for a burrito?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
