In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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