I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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