who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
