I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Oh god it's open bar.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
