You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
