I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
