I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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