She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
