it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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