i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Are we still banned from the library?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
