Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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