hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
