the day after is always just damage control
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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