Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
