found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
