there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
