I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
