The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
