Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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