i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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