A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
