Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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