I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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