mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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